Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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