when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ttyl tear gas
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
