Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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