It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
