I've blown a few things in my day
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
