her vagine was all disorganized.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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