she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
