Pants 0. Shit 1.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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