I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I accidentally burped into my bong.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
