youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
