My pussy is not your playground.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
