Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They took my balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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