i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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