Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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