If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
