you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
