TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
