Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
