dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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