Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
