I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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