i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
