I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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