we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
