My first STD was from a foam party
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Randomize
