I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
