ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
