my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
