I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
