i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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