That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
