apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
