That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
