I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
