maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
