How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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