So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I AM VODKA MAN
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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