I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
