Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
