see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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