Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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