This is not my ceiling
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am one with the molecules
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
