Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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