I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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