her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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