My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
