worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
