I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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