I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
