I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
