If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
